No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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