just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
