Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
