OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
