three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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