Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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