He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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