ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
