You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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