woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
