sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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