dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize