If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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