Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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