I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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