Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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