I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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