i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize