I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
