I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
