i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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