i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
