so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
