I am puke
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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