So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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