Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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