As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
