And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
