her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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