This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize