I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
