Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
