On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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