I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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