Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she was so not down for the gang bang
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
