Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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