pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you win again, gameday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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