I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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