Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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