How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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