Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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