How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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