ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
