I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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