You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
