So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
