I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
