there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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