Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
