dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize