So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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