so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
