be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
