What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize