just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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