What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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