so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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