so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
