Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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