listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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