Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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