im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
