I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
