GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
