He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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