last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
