you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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