What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize