tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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