PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
