i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
