and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
