is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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