Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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