I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
