We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
