I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I love you.
Bad choice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
