I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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