sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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