oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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