The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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