HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
