we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
