so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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