So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
