Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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