the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Text me some of your sweat
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
