did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
