Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
