You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude. I can hear the air.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
