remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
