my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize