Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
