Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
