i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
