a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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