Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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