here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
