I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So many bounce houses so little time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
