mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
