I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize