WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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