True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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