Moan for me like Helen Keller
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
