i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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