Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
