We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
