no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
