I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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