Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
