I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
